right now i dont quite know how to explain how im feeling. its like last week i was riding this huge wave of inspiration and amazing ideas, and this past week, ive just been blah, like im giving up. I dont know if its because i didnt create on a regular basis this week, or if i didnt get in touch with my inner being this week. I want my creative dreams to become real, and i want to be an inpiration to others. I want people to wake up and instantly log onto my page to see whats new in my world. i want to create lovely meaningful art that talks to others. i want to be free and connected with my feelings, this earth and my lovely little self. i want to feel love all around me and be glowing from the inside out. I want to live the life of my dreams. i want to pick wildflowers, read books under big shady trees, and sip tea while watching the birds. i want such a relaxing, meaningful life. AND IM READY TO START THE JOURNEY NOW.
Bharath has been home from work more than usual this week, maybe thats what my deal is. sometimes i just dont know how to be myself around him, it feels as if hes watching and criticizing my every move. Like i cant do anything right. He has something to say about everything i do. Like "did you wash your hands?" "did you put the toilet seat down" just stupid little everyday life things. And maybe its getting on my nerves. We went out to pasquals for breakfast and we got in a fight about my parking job. I tried to pull in and it didnt work the first time, so i was just gonna go turn around and he started yelling at me " your 22 years old, you need to learn how to park....ETC" and it made me feel really down. Its not that i dont know how to park, i just didnt feel comfortable parking in that spot from the angle i was at...and is that NOT okay? and then later once we were okay with eachother he brings it up again "you need to learn how to park...what if you cant find the easy way out sometime and you have kids...youre not gonna walk a mile with kids...blah blah blah!!!!!" and also, ive been yelled at twice for going to the bathroom and not scrubbing the toleit because there was cleaner in there....once i didnt know...and once there really wasnt cleaner in it. its not like i look at the water before i pee...i sit down to pee..i dont stand up. GRRRRR. so theres my venting. i probably needed to get this out. and im glad i did.
when i got home from pasquals i did a chakra meditation and i worked on a couple of art journaling pages. i really need to make myself a real art journal and stop using all these loose pieces of cardstock. hmmm. and i need to get my butt back into writing down todo lists....i feel it keeps me very focused and more motivated to get things done. :D indeed.
well....peace for now.
